Transvestite?
by Youkai Of Hearts
Summary: Oneshot yes you heard me right my first oneshot ever. A member of the ikkou got a change...who could it be? Warning not for young children...
1. Good Lord

**Good Lord**

It just started off like every other day. Find an Inn stay there and wait till morning well that the Ikkou did but something disturbing happened the next morning. Be prepared to scream.

Sanzo was calmly reading his newspaper as Goku and Gojyo continuously fought over the remaining miso that was sitting nicely on the table. Hakkai was still upstairs they haven't seen him since last night. It wouldn't usually take him this long to get ready.

"It's my miso, mine not yours understand Monkey?" Sanzo turned the page to see what was on it. Seemed to be a famine in a village somewhere……

"Nah uh I had it first you perverted Kappa"

…and a killing in another village…a famous wedding…and many other stuff where listed on the paper.

Sanzo looked at the opposite page and noticed a little piece at the left hand side at the bottom it was in small bold letters.

'**Transvestites, People suddenly changing to the opposite sex without knowing it**'

'A man last week was shocked to realize that he was in a woman's body…there's said to be a demented doctor that is on the run and is changing peoples sex blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and so on…'

Sanzo then made a silly chibi face and looked up as his glasses slouched down. 'How quire…'

"Sorry I'm late…" Sanzo looked round and his eyes widened there.

Goku smiled with his eyes closed and turned to the direction the voice was coming from "Why hi Hakkai…" Goku turned blue Gojyo wondered what was wrong and looked in the same direction he went pale.

"What's wrong with all of you?"

Goku and Gojyo held each other, terrified at what their seeing. "Hakkai what the hell did you do to yourself?"

"What do you mean Gojyo?"

"YOU TRAITOR!" shrieked Goku as he turned his head away in disgust. He couldn't stand to see his friend especially when he looks like that.

"Why what is it?"

Sanzo frowned at him "Hakkai maybe you should look in a mirror and what ever you do…don't freak out…" Gojyo then looked at him with his eyes wide.

"And maybe you should use the girl's toilets…cause all those men are going to think you're asking for it…"

Hakkai looked at the red haired kappa confused and wondering what he meant by that. He got up and walked over to the boy toilets he opened the door and walked in. A man with black hair looked at him and whistled.

"Looking cute sweet thing what's a woman like you doing in here? This is the boy's toilets yeah know?" Hakkai ignored the remark and walked over to the mirror. His eyes widened in fear that didn't look like him at all.

It was a woman's face with a monocle. He had long hair tied in a plat and he was in a woman's body he slowly walked out of the boy's toilets and gently sat down on his seat. Noticing that Hakkai was looking pale Gojyo looked over to the female brunette.

"Hakkai are you alright?" Hakkai didn't answer he was lost for words. Goku then took the courtesy to look at his friend.

"Is something wrong?" Hakkai still didn't answer.

Sanzo flicked a page of his newspaper "You're tea's going to get cold Hakkai" he pointed out.

Hakkai wasn't in the mood to drink tea; he didn't want to answer because of his shock. Then he closed his eyes and quickly stood up making a loud crash as his tea was spilt unto the floor.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

**Oh Dear To Be Continued**

**Sanzo's Guardian Angel: **That's right my first Oneshot sorry if it's lame and short but I felt like doing this one. Any idea's in how to make it better then I'm happy to take the tip. A reviewer called Kanzeon Bosatsu reviewed once. I loved her advice but I hated her lacks of manners. (Just joking by the way) Any way Raven-Chan also gave me some advice and I think I should follow it so I like to take this opportunity to thank both of them for giving me advice. I'll think I'll try more Oneshot's for now on.


	2. Oh My God I Can't Believe It

**Oh My God I can't believe it**

"How could this have happened?" Hakkai sat on the sofa and placed his face into his hands and cried. He felt so ashamed of the slender figure that he is now currently in.

Gojyo sat beside him and patted his shoulder brotherly with his eyes closed "There, there it happens to all of us… sure look at Sanzo for example" then his eyes went wide open. Sanzo frowned at him and raised his pistol.

Hakkai raised his head; tears were streaming down his face. "But I don't remember going to a clinic and asking for a sex change!" he then buried his face back into his smooth skinned hands. Hakkai then raised his head again and looked at his female hands.

"Although I have to say these hands are very smooth…" Everyone in the room looked at him embarrassed at the remark he made. Then Hakkai then looked at his body and turned red and placed his head into his hands again.

"This is terrible…" Gojyo then smirked and tapped him on the shoulder again. "Look at the bright side at least you don't have long hair tied in a plat…" Goku, who was behind Hakkai, raised the long plat that was attached to Hakkai's head. Gojyo went pale and then took his hand off his shoulder.

Hakkai's cries then went louder.

"I can't fight like this in front of our enemies…" Gojyo then smirked and looked at his friend. "Well you could raise your top and…………" Sanzo slapped his harisen down on Gojyo's head before he could finish that sentence.

"We don't need Hakkai to become a prostitute and blind our enemies with that…" Hakkai, Goku and Gojyo looked at him with their eyes widened. As Sanzo pointed to the body that Hakkai was in. Hakkai looked at Goku and sniffed a bit. Ready for the water works to come on again.

"How could you all think such a thing?" Hakkai shrieked and then he ran out of the room with tears fluttering down behind him as his long hair drifted against the wind.

"Hakkai wait!" Goku called out.

Gojyo looked at Sanzo "You said it not me…" Sanzo then raised his harisen again and smacked him with it.

Hakkai was outside wiping his tears away. He then sniffed even more "Why does all the weird stuff have to happen to me? I'm so young…I'm twenty two god dammit! I don't know how to shave my legs yet…" he moaned.

Hakkai continued to cry "And for goodness sake I don't even want to think how I'm going to straighten my hair…or how to keep it out of the way…how can women get use to this so much hair is beyond me?"

"IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Then an awful thought came into Hakkai's mind which made him go pale. He shocks his head to get that thought out. "No I hope I don't go that far…"

"Have to go to what?" Hakkai jumped and turned round, seeing Sanzo behind him. "Nothing…nothing at all…" Hakkai wasn't going to tell him, as if he felt ashamed enough.

"Wooooow!" went a voice the two looked to their left. Hakkai went even paler. Lirin was there with a cute face on.

"Never knew that baldie would pull it off" Sanzo looked at Lirin and pointed his gun at her and fired. Lirin dodged it as it went past her head.

Then Dokugakuji (I think that's how you spell his name anyway) appeared behind Lirin with Yaone. He whistled "That's one hot girl you've got with you" Yaone just looked at them for a minute and noticed something familiar on the woman opposite them.

"That looks like Cho Hakkai's attire…" Lirin and Doku looked at Yaone. Then looked back examining the clothing. Lirin ran over to Hakkai and looked at his chest, then behind his back. She tugged Hakkai's plat he groaned.

Hakkai then jumped and turned to her "Miss Lirin would you please stop that…" Hakkai jumped his voice sounded more feminine he held his throat shocked by the voice that came out. Sanzo's eyes also went wide. Lirin just ran over and stood in front of the clueless Doku and Yaone.

"Nah you must be imagining things…" Hakkai and Sanzo looked over to them nervously. Hakkai closed his eyes and raised his hand shaking it franticly.

"WAIT WE CAN EXPLAIN! JUST PLEASE LISTEN!"

It was no use they just got themselves ready to do battle. Sanzo got his pistol out and pointed it at them. Hakkai just sweated a bit. Then he just ran in between them and raised both his hands up.

"PLEASE COULD WE JUST DISCUSS THIS LIKE CIVILISED PEOPLE…AND YOUKAI?"

Yaone launched herself towards him with her spear and threw it at him. Hakkai jumped back and sweated a bit "I guess not huh?"

**More Trouble To Be Continued**

**Sanzo's Guardian Angel:** Things could heat up here people to see what happens next then stay tuned. I bought my first copy of FAKE yesterday but it was the second volume I'm hoping to get the first or third volume for Christmas so I'll just have to wait.


	3. Misunderstood

**Misunderstood**

**Where we left off**

Yaone launched herself towards him with her spear and threw it at him. Hakkai jumped back and sweated a bit "I guess not huh?"

Yaone continued to thrust, Hakkai dodged. Lirin ran behind Hakkai and tried to trip him up, but Hakkai jumped of the ground and kicked Lirin out of the way. He sweated nervously "I'm so sorry Miss Lirin, don't take it personally…" Lirin jumped up again; frustrated she ran over and kicked him.

Hakkai tumbled then jump up to stand. 'Wow I didn't know that women's bodies could be so flexible?' Yaone came at him again. Hakkai somersaulted out of the way and landed firmly back on the ground. Lirin seemed to have given up with him and went for Sanzo.

Doku came from behind and got Hakkai's arms and raised them up making a hold. Hakkai tried to struggle free but Doku's grip was much stronger than his own. Currently because of the body he was in.

"Sorry girlie but we didn't want to resort to this…" Hakkai frowned a bit then did an angry smile and looked up to him. "Can I just point something out?" Doku looked at him with a clueless face. Hakkai took a deep breath to continue.

"I am not a woman…" he concentrated very carefully making a little chi ball appear in his left hand. "I'm CHO HAKKAI DAMMIT!" Hakkai pushed himself away and placed both hands together and fired the chi ball hitting Doku, knocking him out cold.

Hakkai fixed his long hair and flung it behind his back. Frustrated and annoyed. Lirin and Yaone looked at Doku and ran over to him got him and retreated away.

Sanzo came over to Hakkai and patted him on the back. "Don't worry I'm sure they got the tip" Hakkai went into tears again and hugged Sanzo almost breaking his back.

"THIS ISN'T FAIR WHY ME? WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME? I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG HAVE I?" Sanzo frowned at Hakkai.

"Um Hakkai you're touching me…" Hakkai looked up a bit. His face taking chibi form and took his arms off him. He went gloomy and walked back into the Inn. Sanzo made a face and followed him in.

In the bedroom Hakkai was sitting down on the sofa taking one tissue at a time wiping his eyes then chucking it unto the floor.

"Number a hundred and thirteen…" Goku counted as Hakkai chucked another unto the ground. Sanzo was sitting on the chair reading his newspaper. Gojyo was sitting across smoking a cigarette and drinking a cold chilled beer.

"How long are you going to sulk?" Sanzo looked up from his newspaper. Hakkai looked up as he chucked another unto the ground that making the number rises from a hundred and thirteen to a hundred and fourteen.

"Well how long do you think?" Hakkai moaned as he took another one. There was silence.

'Knock, knock, knock'

"Come in…" Sanzo looked up to the door and shouted out after Hakkai said the sentence "If you have a death wish?" the door opened and a man came in with flowers in his hands. He gulped down and walked over to Hakkai handing them to him.

"These are for you…" Hakkai felt a little bit embarrassed and closed his eyes. "Would you want to go out with me?" asked the man. Hakkai's eyes widened He looked away. And shock his head. "That's very nice but…"

"But?"

Hakkai didn't know what to say; this was the first time that anyone has given him flowers before. He was really in a weird situation.

Gojyo then came over to Hakkai and placed his hand on Hakkai's shoulder. "Because she's my girlfriend…" Hakkai turned red 'What?' he wasn't expecting that one. "And she is also my fiancée" Gojyo smirked even more everyone just looked at him shocked.

'Oh my god' Sanzo dropped his tea as it slipped out of his hand and slammed unto the floor creating many small pieces on the floor. Goku just didn't say anything.

"Isn't that right love" Hakkai went white looked at him and nodded "Why yes…" the man just looked at them "You two are lovers?" Gojyo then cuddled Hakkai and raised two fingers signaling victory. "Bingo, we're told we make a lovely couple don't we?" "Yes we do" Hakkai just decided to agree with what ever Gojyo said.

"You two sure?"

"You want us to prove it?" Gojyo dared the man shocks his head and smirked taking Gojyo's offer. Hakkai went terrified then.

(Author's Note: Warning if your sane then please divert you're eyes.This might be a little bit Yaoi…)

Gojyo dragged Hakkai over to him and placed his lips on his. Hakkai kind a felt weak and embarrassed.

Goku was beside Sanzo now and observed, Sanzo looked at the young teen and covered his eyes to prevent him from the scene. Goku's too innocent to see this.

'Like I need Goku to see this…he's gay (Smiley gay nit the other one) enough as he is…'

**Divert you're eyes Children to Be Continued**

**Sanzo's Guardian Angel:** Warning to anyone who is not a yaoi fan divert your attention away please I don't want anyone under aged to get this influence especially the weird ones…You know what I'm talking about…


	4. Normal but there was a price

**Normal But there was a price.**

**Hakkai**

Right unless that was a terrifying nightmare or did it really happen? I was changed into a woman then people think I am, my voice goes all girlie and now Gojyo kissed me? Honestly to all you writer's out there especially to you **Sanzo's Guardian Angel **there's only one thing I can say to all of you…

Writer's you've lost the plot if you think that this is funny then which planet has you're mind gone off too? If you think that making my life a misery is fun then there is something wrong with you.

**Sanzo's Guardian Angel**

Hey, stop blaming the writer's for your misfortunes. Just because you're the easiest target to humiliate doesn't mean you can have the opportunity to blame every writer in the whole universe…

**Hakkai**

You're right…

**Sanzo's Guardian Angel**

I am?

**Hakkai**

Yes it should really be you that I should complain about. It's all you're fault…

**Sanzo's Guardian Angel**

That's it I'm humiliating you even more…

**Hakkai**

Me and my big mouth…

**Back to the story**

Gojyo moved his face away from Hakkai's. The man turned and walked out of the room. As the door slammed shut Hakkai jumped up and freaked as Sanzo removed his hand from Goku's eyes.

"Gojyo what the hell was that?" Gojyo laughed as he saw the expression of the young brunette "Saving you from humiliation dimwit" Hakkai frowned at him.

"Sanzo…" Sanzo looked at Hakkai and sweated, Hakkai seemed to be super creepy and scary. "Give me the bloody harisen" Sanzo took his harisen out and gave it to Hakkai. As Hakkai walked towards Gojyo, Sanzo covered Goku's eyes again.

"Now calm down Hakkai…hey what are you doing…why are you looking at me like that? What are you going to do with that Harisen huh? Holy shit! Hakkai have mercy…it was the only way that……AAAAAGH!"

Hakkai was sitting on the table hours after he killed Gojyo (Don't worry kids he didn't really) he drank his tea while Sanzo was trying to find away to get the calm brunette out of this predicament.

Goku was just asleep on the sofa while Gojyo was lying dead on the bed. Completely knocked out by Hakkai's beating frenzy.

"We could try this…" Sanzo laid the paper flat out on the desk and pointed to the piece of writing that was in the top right corner. Hakkai looked at it for a moment then shock his head. "No I don't think so…"

"Why?"

"Because it's a little bit extreme…"

"Hakkai it's just an injection and then you'll be fine…they only do that so you won't feel the pain or the scalpel for that matter…."

Hakkai looked over to Sanzo looking very pale. "They use a scalpel…?" Sanzo shock his head. "That's a good reason for not taking me there then…"

Sanzo looked over to the bed and noticed Gojyo was up and looked at them, Sanzo knew what he was thinking and he thinks it's a pretty good idea. Sanzo stood up and Gojyo crept over until he was behind Hakkai.

"Hakkai do you mind if you stand up?" Hakkai looked at Sanzo and stood up placing his hands onto the table. "Why though?" Sanzo shock his head and Gojyo pounced on Hakkai.

Sanzo came close to them and got rope from his robes. As Gojyo held Hakkai on the floor, Sanzo tied Hakkai's hands behind his back and tied his feet together so that he wouldn't fire his chi blasts anywhere or kick about the place.

"There that should do it…" Sanzo placed his hands on his hips, feeling proud of what he's done. Hakkai began to scream.

"HELP SOMEONE! ANYONE AT ALL HELP THEIR GOING TO…" Gojyo tied Hakkai's mouth up with a cloth that he found in his bag pack and tightened it.

"If you scream even louder then you'll wake up the monkey over there…" Gojyo picked Hakkai up and flung him over his shoulder. Hakkai struggled franticly but no matter what he did Gojyo won't let go.

"No use in resisting Hakkai…this is for your own good…" Sanzo pointed out as he opened the door. Gojyo walked out with Hakkai on his shoulder and Sanzo went and silently closed the door behind him.

As they got out to the streets everyone was looking at them. Hakkai was continuing in being a pest as he struggled even more to get free. "Are we there yet?"

"No"

"How about now?"

"No"

"Dammit man we've gotta be there now because Miss Bitch on my shoulder is being a pain…" Hakkai frowned and used his hands which were on his back to tug Gojyo's hair. Gojyo groaned. "Hakkai don't be so childish LET GO OF MY HAIR!" but Hakkai denied that request and kept hold of it.

"We're here…" Gojyo looked up to Sanzo who was pointing to a very shady place. "That's good and everything but before we get in can you get the young lady off my hair?"

Sanzo sighed, he walked over and grabbed Hakkai and tugged him off Gojyo's shoulder. But what ever Sanzo did, Hakkai just gripped his hands tighter on Gojyo's hair. Until Gojyo's hair was pulled put.

"AOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW" Gojyo shrieked.

Gojyo then looked at Hakkai and gave him an evil grin. "Right! No more Mr. Nice Guy" Gojyo ran over and grabbed Hakkai off Sanzo and this time flung Hakkai's legs on his back and placed Hakkai's chest at the front.

As soon as they got him inside they explained everything to the doctor and they got him straight to the surgery room. Gojyo sort of knocked Hakkai out so they could strap him unto the chair.

Hakkai came too and slowly opened his eyes. He tried to move his hands but they seemed to be strapped down along with his chest and legs. His eyes widened as he looked down. "WHAT THE HELL!"

There were a couple of taps on the window Hakkai looked over and seen Gojyo waving with Sanzo smoking along with him. Hakkai frowned and stared at them "I should've known…" Hakkai sighed.

Then Gojyo's eyes widened it seemed he was shocked. Hakkai looked above him and seen a funny little man with a giant scalpel. Hakkai smiled nervously "Ummmm? Don't you think you should gas me first?" the little man looked at Hakkai "Nah it would only waste time we always do it when you're awake…"

"Oh really…H…How interesting…do I get a say in this?" the doctor thought for a moment then looked at him "No, not really no"

Gojyo looked at Sanzo while the operation was going to start. "Are you sure this was a good idea?" As there were screams coming from the room and blood splattering unto the window Sanzo shock his head "Yeah now I'm sure"

"Ehhh…there's a lot of blood…" Gojyo made a face as Hakkai's screams filled the other room. "It's a natural thing…"

"What is that…?"

"What's what?"

"That thing…"

"It looks like a laser…"

"Is he going to use that?"

"Probably so…if you don't like it you can leave…"

"Holy Shit" They both looked into the room and heard the doctor's screams and chi blasts been blasting everywhere.

**Awww Man To Be Continued**

**Hakkai**

I don't believe this…

**Sanzo's Guardian Angel**

DEAL WITH IT!


	5. From Weird to Weirder

**From Weird to Weirder…**

**Hakkai**

This is so not fair…why…

(Looks over to Sanzo's Guardian Angel who is currently giggling at the moment)

You think this is funny don't you?

**Sanzo's Guardian Angel**

(Stops giggling)

Well…yes…you have a problem?

**Hakkai**

Let me see, you changed my sex…you had my voice turn feminine…you had Gojyo kiss me…and now you ended the last chapter with me torturing the doctor…would you classify this as a problem?

**Sanzo's Guardian Angel **

Hmmmmm?

(Thinks for a minute)

No

**Hakkai**

Then what would you classify it?

**Sanzo's Guardian Angel**

Well I would classify it as comedy to be honest

**Hakkai**

Ah so that would explain your current evilness in this story would it?

**Sanzo's Guardian Angel**

Hmmmm? Well yeah

**Hakkai **

I rest my case

**Back to the Story**

Sanzo and Gojyo waited patiently as many doctors and nurses walked by, a young nurse with long blonde hair walked past them, Gojyo looked at the nurse and whistled.

"Got some fine legs there…"

Another nurse with long black hair this time was walking past them, Gojyo looked at her with his eyes wide open.

"Hey Nurse!" The nurse looked and walked over to him, Gojyo waved his hand to signal to come closer. Sanzo looked at him and turned his head away as he closed his eyes. Many sounds of whispers then there was a huge slapping sound.

"You're a disgrace to mankind" Sanzo looked back to see Gojyo with a big red mark on his face as little tears went down his face.

"Nobody loves me" He cried.

"Sure somebody loves you…they'd just be suffering from brain damage though if they would want to go out with you…" Gojyo narrowed his eyes as he looked at him.

"Mr. Sanzo, Mr. Gojyo the doctor's ready to see you now" with that they both got up and walked into the hospital room… There was the doctor and a giant curtain that was covering something like a project about to be shown.

"I am proud to say that the operation was a success…"

"Oh really can we see him now?" asked Gojyo

"Why of course" the doctor replied cheerfully as he immediately pulled the curtain.

Sanzo and Gojyo eye's both went wide, and Gojyo's nose was beginning to bleed. Sanzo stared at the doctor and waved his hand for him to come closer. The doctor did so, Gojyo looked down upon the resident on the bed.

"**_HOLY HARMONES!_**" Gojyo shouted as Sanzo brought out the paper fan and smacked him with it. After that Sanzo hid the paper fan away and grabbed the doctor by the collar.

"I asked for a reduction…**_NOT BREAST IMPLANTS!_**" he screeched as he smacked the doctor over and over again.

Gojyo looked over as his face went red, looking at the person on the bed. Seeing a very…large chest Hakkai, sleeping soundly on the bed…

(**Author's Note: For those of you who are wandering what size…their the size of Yaone's…but a tiny bit bigger… okay I write it you imagine it…**)

Hakkai's eyes begun to open slowly as he raised himself up, drowsiness still in effect…but that will all change very soon. He noticed something different and looked down. His face went blue and he looked up at his fellow companions looking like he's about to die at any second.

"Um…did I miss something here?" Hakkai asked in a cold voice. Gojyo took a couple of steps back knowing that there is a ticking time bomb that is set to explode at any second.

"But you said that you wanted breast transplants!" the doctor sobbed as he was terrified of the angry bald priest.

"Nothing much…the doctor just did fuck all…instead of reduction he did **_Breast Transplants_**" Gojyo stated.

A sudden vein appeared on Hakkai's head. Then there were these strange green flames surrounding Hakkai as his eyes were closed tight trying his best to keep Cho Gonou from causing a brutal massacre to the doctor and the people within the hospital.

Gojyo, making the wise decision and crept away as he hid behind Sanzo.

"Um…S…Sanzo…" Sanzo swiftly turned his head back with his violet eyes still within maximum rage mode.

"What!" Gojyo pointed as Sanzo followed the direction that it was going; his face went into a dark blue colour as his violet's widened in horror. They both took thirty steps out of the room knowing what Hakkai was about to do. Sanzo gently closed the door as he locked it.

**Back at the Inn**

"So what happened next, Gojyo?" Goku asked eagerly to know what his fellow companion did next. Gojyo took a deep breath as he summed up the rest of the facts.

"Well somehow Hakkai broke the Doctors nose and managed to blow up the whole area within ten miles radius… I'm surprised we didn't get a bill…" Sanzo who was sitting at the table with his glasses on and his hair tied behind his back a calculator in hand as there was a long rug of paper that kept lengthening as he moved about.

"What the fuck do you think I'm dealing with Kappa?" Sanzo Shrieked

Hakkai who has now calmed down was sitting across the table drinking a relaxing green tea. He seemed so calmed so relaxed so happy in his girly form…if only he didn't go completely loony on the doctor and accidentally broke his nose and the doctor who was screaming 'My face my beautiful face!' at a loud tone of voice.

"See what happens when you go berserk Hakkai you've got the great Sanzo sama in one of his hissy fits and me scarred for life…"

Hakkai removed the cup from his lips and replied happily in his girly voice "Sorry I think I got myself a little bit carried away…"

"You call destroying a whole clinic, breaking the doctor's nose, causing almost every person that was in the clinic at that time having to make them take therapy sessions and making me pays all these bills which are sore on my pocket you call _that_ being carried away…" Hakkai nodded happily as he took another sip of his wonderful tea.

Everyone sighed.

**To Be Continued**

**Hakkai**

How could you…

**Sanzo's Guardian Angel**

What?

**Hakkai**

You Monster…

**Sanzo's Guardian Angel**

Oh Grow Up


End file.
